The other night I couldn't sleep. So in the middle of the night I got up and I turned the tv on. It seemed like a good idea at the time. There really wasn't much on, a few lousy movies and about a hundred infomercials. I usually just turn past the infomercials but for whatever reason I didn't. I started watching and before long I was captivated. So many products! Medicines, facial cleansers, kitchen gadgets, cleaning supplies... you name it, they were selling it. It was fascinating! Maybe it was the late night or the lack of sleep but I found myself wanting EVERY item I saw. It was like all reason flew out the window. Suddenly, I NEEDED things I had never even considered buying before. A knife that cuts a penny--how have I lived this long without one? A bio- degradable cleaner so natural, you can drink it! Amazing....and handy! I don't have a problem with my complexion but I was even convinced I needed the facial cleansers, just in case. And who wouldn't want a Hoveround?! Have you seen how that thing handles corners? It was like I was in a buyers trance, and I have no idea how long it lasted. I woke up that morning with my phone and credit card in my hand. I don't remember much about the evening but something tells me I'm already done Christmas shopping.
Have you heard? It’s No Shave November-- or as I call it ‘Noshember’. If you don’t know what it is, it’s a ban on shaving for the month of November. I’m really excited because I hate shaving my legs anyway. (I was going to type “hehe” here, but my wife informed me that only girls use “hehe”). Hey, if the beard looks cool, I might keep growing it and go with The Year Beard. That’s right, no shaving for a year. I’d be sporting the mountain man look. My wife always says I look hot with a 5 o’clock shadow. You know, kinda like the George Michael look from the 80’s and 90’s. Wow, did I just admit that I think George Michael is hot? Ok moving on, I posted my picture on facebook, my Mom saw it, thought it was for a good cause, and now she is participating also! She didn’t tell me what body part she chose to not shave but I’m guessing her underarms... ewww. I hope you are participating too. Tell your friends and relatives. Tell everyone on facebook and let’s be the hairiest state in the South! We probably already are but anyway........
I just returned from my vacation in Charleston SC. What a trip. You know my son Asa is almost 3 and boy, did he embarrass me. While shopping at the Market downtown Charlestown my wife, Rebecca, was looking at jewelry. Well I decided to pass the time by pushing him in the stroller back and forth down the isle at the Market. You know it's always crowded. I stopped at the cookie booth to ask the lady behind the counter about her cookies. There was a lady in front of us that was buying some cookies. Well before I knew it Asa had jumped up behind the lady think is was his mama. He started yelling Mama, Mama, Mama. Reached up under here dress grabbed her around her thighs with his face buried in her fanny yelling Mama, Mama, Mama the whole time. The Lady yell wwooaaaa! I just stood there in disbelief. Apologized and walked away immediately. The bad part about it was she had to be 3 times bigger than my wife... What a disaster but a great story..
We'll, it finally happened.Â I saw my Mother-in-law in her bathing suit.Â I'm gonna have to slaughter a pig to get that image out of my mind.Â You know we have been known to use her varicose veins asÂ a road map on vacation a few times..... hehe.Â Â After I saw her I started to think of a few people I wouldÂ not want to see in a bikini, bathing suit or Speedo.Â Here are just a few:Â DonaldÂ Trump, Oprah, PaulaÂ (put some butter on it) Dean,Â Kevin James, Tom from the Hawk and Tom ShowÂ and Betty White.Â We'll with Betty White it might be funny for an SNL show.Â To be honest I ain't that pretty myself in a Speedo.Â This has been a public service announcement from the Better Bikini Bureau of South Carolina.Â Be careful at the beach, pool and lake this bathing suit season.
Gas prices are outrageous.Â They are higher than Charlie Sheen on a winning streak!Â You know gas prices are high when the gas stations are offering free anger management classes with a fill up. Heck, for mother's day my mother wanted something expensive so I just bought her a tank of gas.Â Â I'm trying to think of ways to use less gas.Â I've even considered a motorcycle but every time I ride one, I have to stop and brush the bugs out of my teeth when I get there. Really, when are the prices going down?Â The worst part about it is every time I borrow my wife's car, there isn't any gas in the tank. I know she does this on purpose. She drives an SUV, and the other day I had to take out a small loan from the bank just to fill it up!Â I'll show those gas companies, I'll stop buying gas! (By the way, I need a ride to work tomorrow.). Sorry to complain.
Squirrels in my attic?Â Are you kidding me?Â Sitting alone upstairs I heard and interesting noise the other day. It sounded like scratching on my ceiling. I though at first it was probably a little mouse.Â I stood on the chair and banged on the ceiling only to hear the creepy sound of something much bigger scurrying away. So now I'm thinking squirrel, not mouse. Since there is no access to this part of my attic, I'm actually having to hire a carpenter to come in and make a hole into the attic to catch whatever it is that has already made a hole into my attic.Â I've heard of roach motels... I wonder if they have squirrel motels?Â How about those fly strips for squirrels? Well, Im off in search of these things.Â I will keep you posted.....
So my son can now get out of his crib.Â Â It's all over now.Â He is no longer confined.Â Now I have the problem of a 2 year old on the loose at nap-time and night time.Â I'm trying to figure out how to keep him safe and locked down.Â Â A few ideas from some friends who listen to the show:Â Â Electric shock collar and invisible fence.Â Barbed wire.Â Turn the crib upside down and make a cage. Zip him up in a tent....to name a few.Â I really could use some help.Â Looking at that list makes me worry.Â I will say he is quite talented.Â His getting out of bed is done with flair and almost always sticks the landing.Â Â This climbing And diving phase me well give me a heart attack before it's over!Â Â Please someone tell me this is short-lived.Â I guess this is preparing me for his teenage years when he sneaks out of bed and meets his friends.Â All this is giving me so much anxiety.Â I think I've mulled this over long enough so like always, I'll just do the responsible thing and let his mom worry about
My son has become attached to an orange.Â Yeah, the fruit.Â Is that strange?Â He won't put it down.Â He plays with it all day.Â He, of course,Â has all kinds of toys to play with, books to read, and stuffed animals....but he chooses an orange.Â At first, I tried to hide it from him but that didn't work.Â He can climb up on the counter and find it anywhere.Â It's kind of embarrassing in public.Â He has to have it with him all the time.Â He carries it in the car, into the store, and even to bed!Â He won't let it go.Â I've had to switch it out every few days when it starts to go bad.Â It's like his little buddy.Â Â He gets confused at the grocery store seeing so many other oranges.Â It's much worse than the toy isle, and forces me to skip the produce section entirely when he is with me.Â If this continues, I could save all kinds of money.Â For his next birthday.... A fruit basket!
Â This weekend is the Super Bowl.Â I'm excited. Packers and Steelers.Â What a great game that will be.Â Super Bowl parties are the best.Â It's almost like a holiday.Â In fact, I think it should be a national holiday.Â And I think we should get the following monday off work....either that or we can all call in sick.Â (I would but I did that for the last 3 years and I think they are catching on.)Â If you haven't already, It's a wonderful opportunity to beak any New Year's dieting resolution.Â The Super Bowl is the one time a year when you can actually call sausage cheese dip a meal.Â And how about the half time show?Â Ever since the wardrobe malfunction with Janet (Miss Jackson, if you're nasty) we've had entertainment from nursing homes-- Old guys like Rolling Stones and Springsteen.Â I guess they've played it safe long enough and now they're ready to take a risk.Â Have they not seen a Black Eyed Peas concert?Â C'mon.Â Most of Fergie's wardrobe is a malfunction to begin with.Â Â Have fun watching the game
Â Â So we've had some snow, and now some ice.Â What a mess!Â I'm glad to see the stores are still open.Â Although, I'm not sure how that will help the people already stuck in their homes and driveways.Â Wonder what people would run out of first?Â Â I'm betting it would be toilet paper.Â What are you afraid to run out of and not be able to get?Â I know some smokers that would die without a cigarette.Â I'm sure they would get creative.Â Perhaps smoke a tea bag--Get a caffeine high while they're at it.Â Maybe roll up some coffee grounds? Well,Â I would be terrified to run out of something much more important.Â Nutter Butter cookies.Â I cannot imagine being without them!Â While you were all shopping for bread and milk, I was loading my cart full of Nutter Butters.Â You gotta have a plan and I figure I now have enough for 3 weeks, give or take.Â That should get me thru until the National Guard shows up.Â Yeah, that's my plan-- the Nutter Butter diet, good luck with yours!